Studies suggest that a large portion of the teen population will have had sex before leaving high school. With the odds against them, many parents either start dispensing condoms to their kids, or try to micromanage every aspect of their kid’s life to the point the child can’t breathe.
Both approaches are recipes for disaster.
When it comes to teen dating and sexuality, being too lenient can be as bad as being too strict. The truth of the matter is that teens are “young adults”, emphasis on both “young” and “adult”.
They are still young, susceptible to the machinations of people with bad intentions, but they are also about to enter the adult world and therefore, have to begin to to maneuver with out the benefit of training wheels.
Parents worry. It’s our job and we wouldn’t be good parents if we didn’t, but we should temper our instinctive need to protect with the trust that, despite how our kids might roll their eyes and moan, they are indeed, listening.
My dad was a man of numerous imperfections, but I’d say he handled this aspect of my growth very well.
Just after turning thirteen, my cycle started. Days later, my Father actually sat down with me and talked openly and realistically about sex.
He informed me of the joys and consequences of sex, as well as what the physical, emotional and financial repercussions of getting pregnant would be.
Nothing was sugar coated.
He also told me that if I did indeed make the decision to have sex, that he would prefer I came to him, and we would go to the clinic to get pills. He re-enforced the idea that he would really desire for me to wait, but realized that if I really was going to do it, I would find a way to do so, and he’d rather prefer that I came to him with such a life changing decision.
A smart move.
Because I felt trusted, and I was allowed to make an informed choice, I chose what was best for me-I waited.
I felt as if he knew I would make the right decision. He didn’t simply give me my way, nor did he try the “sex is evil” scare tactic. He treated me like a young adult, and I was able to prove his faith in me was not unfounded.
Teen dating is a healthy way to allow young men and women to form immature relationships that will mirror their more mature relationships later in life. Through heartbreak, falls, and close bonding, a teen will learn how to accept rejection, move on from pain, and define what to look for in a future mate.
Fear of budding teen sexuality shouldn’t make us stunt this important facet of their evolution. It is our job to teach them how to interact in the world, and theirs to take what they have learned, and apply it.
