I’m Dating a Mama’s Boy!

Q: I am a nineteen year old woman who has begun dating a seventeen, soon to be eighteen, year old guy. He is very mature for his age, but still lives at home with his folks. He is also looking for work as a mechanic, something he is very good at, but is not considering college. All that aside, my biggest concern is that he is pressuring me to come over and have sex at his parents home. I am an old fashioned girl, and I don’t think it would be right to go to his folks house to have sex. I think it would be very disrespectful-besides, what would they think of me? I don’t want to get started on the wrong foot with his parents before they get to know me. I really like him-he is intelligent and fun to be with, so I don’t want him to think I don’t care about him by saying no.

A: Wait a minute. The guy is currently two years your Junior (I assume still in high school), doesn’t have a job, lives with his folks and your primary concern is whether or not to sleep over at his house?

First of all, I don’t care how mature he may seem, if homeboy is still in high school and living with his parents, he can’t be THAT mature. Life experience is garnered once one leaves the nest and has to struggle to make ends meet. Also, it should be something of a red flag that this kid has no plans to go to college. What does he plan to do with his life? You say he is a good auto mechanic, and while this is a great profession, are you assured that this is a path he will pursue, as he is still young and can go down a variety of paths.

What about your own goals and aspiration? Surely you have a bit more going on for you than to be trolling the high schools looking for dates with men who have barley started shaving?

My advice would be to date someone who is your own age or slightly older, whose goals and outlook match your own.

If you persist in continuing on with this young man, then I would tell you to stick to your guns about not sleeping over at his house. You are right, it would be inappropriate, and if he feels he can have adult relationships within the walls of his parent’s home, what is to motivate him to move out and move on?

Besides, why can’t he come over to your place if it is that urgent?

I don’t know what you are thinking, but I can’t tell you what to do. Just remember, simply because the guy is “legal” so to speak, doesn’t mean he is ready for a real, sexual relationship-be careful, not only for your sake, but for his as well.

Modern Manners for a New Generation

Today’s teen aged girls are more independent, outspoken, andgoal oriented than ever before.

As gender roles continue to change, young men may be confused as to what is considered appropriate behavior on the dating scene. A boy who has been yelled at for holding a door open for a young lady, may be confused by the demerit he receives for not opening the car door for his date.

How does a teenage boy apply due courtesy, without getting placed into the terminal “nice guy” pile?

Very simple.

Observe some of the basics of manners and etiquette, but don’t go over board. As a woman, I like courtesy, but too much of a good thing can be just as off putting. You don’t want to appear stiff and unnatural-use these tips with due moderation.

TEEN DATING ETIQUETTE FOR BOYS

GO TO HER PARENTS DOOR-If you want the girls father to think you are a closet serial killer, by all means, impatiently honk the car horn, but if you like this girl, go the extra mile and actually walk up to the front door to pick up your date.

OPEN THE CAR DOOR-Just because I am an independent woman doesn’t mean I don’t like to be treated special. Opening the car door is a small, but significant gesture of respect.

PULL OUT HER CHAIR-This quaint little touch makes a girl feel appreciated and will put a blush in her cheeks.

NO CELL PHONES-Nothing says “I think I am out with a loser” better than having someone talk on a cell phone during a date. Turn it off, or better yet, keep the thing in the car.

TEEN DATING ETIQUETTE FOR YOUNG LADIES

I know we girls tend to think it is all about us, but how we treat our men matters too. Men are just as deserving of courtesy, besides, how can we expect to receive what we ourselves won’t give.

LEAN OVER TO OPEN THE CAR DOOR-after your date has so obligingly opened the car door for you, reach over and open the driver’s side door. I have done that and many men have exclaimed that it was the first time a woman ever thought to do it-I find this extremely sad. If you really like the guy, this will make him feel thought about and appreciated.

GO TO THE FRONT DOOR-If you drove over to his home, then get out the car and go to the front door. If his Mom or Dad answers the door, politely introduce yourself and make small talk until your date arrives.

TURN OF THE CELL PHONE…That goes for you too–duh!

FINAL NOTE: Who Pays-If she asked you out, she pays-if the boy asked the gal out-he pays-just be honest about what you can or cannot afford. Hopefully, the date of your choice will understand!

That’s it-have a good time, and remember to always mind your curfew!

Welcome to my Teen Dating Blog

When I was a teenager, I was absolutely clueless about various aspects of dating. On the one hand, TV made it all seem very simple. You and your love interest hung out at a popular local haunt, or did school work together at one another’s houses, where, depending on the show, you would or would not make out.

On the other hand, the real world was fraught with very real and disturbing challenges when it came to this very complex issue.

Teen pregnancy, drinking and STD epidemics had parents deeply concerned and troubled. Some thought that greater legal and parental restrictions was the answer, while the opposite factions barely wanted to impose any restrictions at all, believing we should simply tell our youths to “always use a condom”, and “just say no to drugs.”

It was all very confusing for me, a young idealist who was somewhat conservative in my beliefs at the time. I found it difficult to navigate the walk between what I should or should not do, and how I should or should not feel. It had to be one of the most perplexing periods in my life.

Even so, I knew harsh restrictions would not deter hormonally charged teens from trying to get together, I also knew that not providing guidance was also a trap in and of itself

I think a healthy balance of trust in our young adults coupled with careful, loving guidance and supervision is what was needed back then, and is what is needed now.

Unfortunately, today’s teenager is having to take their cues from the sex obsessed media and/or their peers as harried parents attempt to continue on in a economy that is not conducive to keeping their offspring well fed and clothed.

This is where I hope my blog can come in. I want to provide practical advice, tips and pointers on how to find fun places and establishments that are geared towards a teen aged crowd, as well as on how to dress youthful and fresh, with an eye towards clothing options outside the realm of music videos and movies. I also want to speak openly and frankly about the concerns that today’s young people may have in regards to the pressures they face in school and the world at large, primarily as it pertains to dating and teen romance.

I have to say though, that I am greatly impressed with many of the teens I have run across, as they seem far more savvy, politically aware and goal oriented than the teens I knew when I growing up.

I happily invite readers to drop a line with their own experiences, suggestions or questions, which I will try to address in my blog as much as possible. I don’t want to talk at teens, I want to have a two-way discussion, which will perhaps provide the guidance I sorely needed, and desired, when I was at the same crossroads in time.