TEEN ONLINE DATING – WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR

Modern day teenagers are more proficient at using the internet than the generation before them, and why shouldn’t they be? As someone once aptly pointed out, they have never lived in a world without them. While I was still trying to figure out how to work the control, alt, delete combination, they were utilizing html and creating their own cyber shorthand.

This is not an altogether bad thing. As we continue to make technological advances, those who do not conform to the evolution of industry will be left behind.

But as with all things, a lot of bad comes with the good.

There are a ton of avenues available for teens to interact with individuals online, which opens the door for danger. Popular social networks like Myspace, Friendster, Facebook and others of their ilk, are primarily geared towards adults, therefore there is no real policing of the sites themselves. Because of this, people with illicit intentions may try to befriend and lure teens into real life meetings, with potentially disastrous results.

How do we balance a teen’s valid need for independence and the ability to keep them safe from people who would abuse the privileges of such sites?

Simple.

Be aware of the social networking sites that your teenager frequents, and restrict their number to those that are primarily teen oriented. Be sure to talk with them about the people they are meeting online as well, so you can listen out for suspicious behavior.

Inform your teen that it is never a good idea for them to meet anyone off line for any reason, even if the person says it is an emergency. Let them know that if they desire to meet a friend in real life, they should do so in a public place with you accompanying them, no exceptions.

There are very few actual teen dedicated dating and meeting sites online, so before letting your child sign up, write to the moderators to see if they have safeguards in place in the forums and chat rooms.

Here are a couple of teen dating sites that were noteworthy:

Teen Spot is set up like most of social networking sites, allowing users to post profiles, make friends, chat and post pictures (if your son or daughter absolutely must post pics, be a part of the process. Take age appropriate photos that don’t give away information, like where you home is located. Against a blank wall would suffice)…

A nice Christian teen dating site called Christianity Today is a great spot for teenagers of faith. Along with standard fare, they offer advice on clothing choices and dating options.

But don’t limit your teens dating experiences to the computer world. Online interaction should be balanced with real world activities. Allow them to go to hang out at local teen haunts and gathering places, and keep those places phone numbers on hand.

Above all, make sure their teen’s dating experiences, online and off, are happy, fulfilling and safe.

Modern Manners for a New Generation

Today’s teen aged girls are more independent, outspoken, andgoal oriented than ever before.

As gender roles continue to change, young men may be confused as to what is considered appropriate behavior on the dating scene. A boy who has been yelled at for holding a door open for a young lady, may be confused by the demerit he receives for not opening the car door for his date.

How does a teenage boy apply due courtesy, without getting placed into the terminal “nice guy” pile?

Very simple.

Observe some of the basics of manners and etiquette, but don’t go over board. As a woman, I like courtesy, but too much of a good thing can be just as off putting. You don’t want to appear stiff and unnatural-use these tips with due moderation.

TEEN DATING ETIQUETTE FOR BOYS

GO TO HER PARENTS DOOR-If you want the girls father to think you are a closet serial killer, by all means, impatiently honk the car horn, but if you like this girl, go the extra mile and actually walk up to the front door to pick up your date.

OPEN THE CAR DOOR-Just because I am an independent woman doesn’t mean I don’t like to be treated special. Opening the car door is a small, but significant gesture of respect.

PULL OUT HER CHAIR-This quaint little touch makes a girl feel appreciated and will put a blush in her cheeks.

NO CELL PHONES-Nothing says “I think I am out with a loser” better than having someone talk on a cell phone during a date. Turn it off, or better yet, keep the thing in the car.

TEEN DATING ETIQUETTE FOR YOUNG LADIES

I know we girls tend to think it is all about us, but how we treat our men matters too. Men are just as deserving of courtesy, besides, how can we expect to receive what we ourselves won’t give.

LEAN OVER TO OPEN THE CAR DOOR-after your date has so obligingly opened the car door for you, reach over and open the driver’s side door. I have done that and many men have exclaimed that it was the first time a woman ever thought to do it-I find this extremely sad. If you really like the guy, this will make him feel thought about and appreciated.

GO TO THE FRONT DOOR-If you drove over to his home, then get out the car and go to the front door. If his Mom or Dad answers the door, politely introduce yourself and make small talk until your date arrives.

TURN OF THE CELL PHONE…That goes for you too–duh!

FINAL NOTE: Who Pays-If she asked you out, she pays-if the boy asked the gal out-he pays-just be honest about what you can or cannot afford. Hopefully, the date of your choice will understand!

That’s it-have a good time, and remember to always mind your curfew!

Avoiding Teen Violence

I ran across a rather disturbing article that details a rising trend called teen dating violence.

The article, delves into the shocking rise in unhealthy teen relationships and their causes.

One girl, whose name was withheld, spoke of verbal and mental abuse suffered at the hands of her boyfriend, who slowly chipped away at her self-esteem leaving her feeling worthless. Another young lady was physically threatened, after a boy she had broken up with threatened to send gunmen to her homecoming dance.

The boy was slapped don the wrist with a misdemeanor and a disorderly conduct charge.

There are indications that teens are more at risk for these types of relationships because of their ever evolving attempts to find themselves and mature. Teens also have a tendency to be very angst ridden, and self-esteem can be low, particularly if said teen is having a hard time fitting in. Riddled with insecurities, a teenager may either seek to dominate and manipulate their love interest, or become susceptible and even accepting of physical or mental abuse.

This can make for a volatile dating dynamic that can lead to unhealthy perceptions, like idea that overly aggressive and controlling behavior means your girl or boyfriend “really loves you.”

Fact of the matter is, nothing is further form the truth, and teens have to be made aware that behavior that is mentally or physically harmful is unacceptable; otherwise they could fall into a rut of similar relationships, which can follow them into adulthood.

What’s the answer?

Love yourself! As Carroll, the coordinator and counselor of a campaign called Choose Respect aptly noted, “”Somebody who is looking to abuse someone wants an easy mark. They don’t want someone who is going to stand up to them. If you do that, they’ll move on.”

It is the hopes of people like Carroll that teen daters develop the ability to grow past abusive relationships, before it becomes an unbreakable pattern.

Parents also play a pivotal role in helping teenagers understand their value and self worth. As soon as they recognize that their child is being abused, they need to step in to be a sounding board and to give advice that doesn’t come off at preachy, which can be hard to do.

Teenagers are going to one day become young adults, and they have to know that parents will help them, while also allowing them to make their own decisions. As a parent, your job is to facilitate communication, where you child knows you are an authority figure, but also realizes that their feelings and thoughts matter too. If they feel this way, they will be more open to talking-and listen.

What can we do about teen aging dating and violence? Talk to our kids, tell them to choose respect, and ultimately, trust that we have raised them well, and that they will inevitably make the right decisions.

Teen Dating “Product” A Lame Duck?

A new product called THE DATING SOLUTION has hit the market and promises to enable parents to teach their children very important tips on how to date successfully, as well as how to avoid various pit falls that can occur within the realm of teenage dating.

The Press Release expounds on the ideas behind the principle of the Dating Solution, proclaiming, “This Dating Solution contains a Self-Help Audio program with the prerequisite step-by-step dating knowledge you must-know to succeed at every stage of your dating process.”

The provided link on the press release takes you to a page that informs you that you will receive several books as well as the “user friendly” DATING SOLUTION GUIDE, but what is confusing, is just what type of product is this guide.

It says it is an audio program, and that it is “user friendly,” but frankly, that doesn’t tell me very much. Is it computer software? Cd’s? DVD’s? Audio cassettes? All I can seem to get from the press release and the site is that the DATING SOLUTION will keep teens from getting their tender hearts broken.

Red flags have already begun a-waving.

1) If I am going to pay $97.00 for something, I want to know exactly what I am getting! If I am merely buying an e-book, then I am surely not going to pay $97 bucks! If it is an audio cassette, how useful will it be seeing as most people now have CD and DVD players?

2) Kids will barely listen to their own parents, why would they listen to a supposed lifestyle guru, be it via cassette, CD or interactive dating software? The idea is as ludicrous as thinking someone would pay money for a product that isn’t even displayed on the site.

3) Do we really want to become so over protective that we will spend money on dating “seminar” that will guarantee our sons and daughters won’t be “harmed” by love? Isn’t it the very process of growing up and making mistake that turns us into well rounded, and knowledgeable individuals?

My predication is that a girl or guy can do everything according to the book, and still not land that guy or gal of their dreams, which will, or course, lead to an overwhelming and crushing disappointment.

I mean, what kind of message will it send if the kid believed they needed this aid and it didn’t work. It would be better to fly blind than to think there is a surefire way to score with the opposite sex.

This is not to say that advice shouldn’t be given, or that teens won’t listen to the voice of reason in all cases, but we are living in a fantasy land if we believe there is a way to safeguards our hearts when it comes to the love game.

 

In my humble opinion, this “product” will have about as much value as so called “Spanish Fly”. There are no guarantees in life or love-and that is what makes the journey worthwhile.

Welcome to my Teen Dating Blog

When I was a teenager, I was absolutely clueless about various aspects of dating. On the one hand, TV made it all seem very simple. You and your love interest hung out at a popular local haunt, or did school work together at one another’s houses, where, depending on the show, you would or would not make out.

On the other hand, the real world was fraught with very real and disturbing challenges when it came to this very complex issue.

Teen pregnancy, drinking and STD epidemics had parents deeply concerned and troubled. Some thought that greater legal and parental restrictions was the answer, while the opposite factions barely wanted to impose any restrictions at all, believing we should simply tell our youths to “always use a condom”, and “just say no to drugs.”

It was all very confusing for me, a young idealist who was somewhat conservative in my beliefs at the time. I found it difficult to navigate the walk between what I should or should not do, and how I should or should not feel. It had to be one of the most perplexing periods in my life.

Even so, I knew harsh restrictions would not deter hormonally charged teens from trying to get together, I also knew that not providing guidance was also a trap in and of itself

I think a healthy balance of trust in our young adults coupled with careful, loving guidance and supervision is what was needed back then, and is what is needed now.

Unfortunately, today’s teenager is having to take their cues from the sex obsessed media and/or their peers as harried parents attempt to continue on in a economy that is not conducive to keeping their offspring well fed and clothed.

This is where I hope my blog can come in. I want to provide practical advice, tips and pointers on how to find fun places and establishments that are geared towards a teen aged crowd, as well as on how to dress youthful and fresh, with an eye towards clothing options outside the realm of music videos and movies. I also want to speak openly and frankly about the concerns that today’s young people may have in regards to the pressures they face in school and the world at large, primarily as it pertains to dating and teen romance.

I have to say though, that I am greatly impressed with many of the teens I have run across, as they seem far more savvy, politically aware and goal oriented than the teens I knew when I growing up.

I happily invite readers to drop a line with their own experiences, suggestions or questions, which I will try to address in my blog as much as possible. I don’t want to talk at teens, I want to have a two-way discussion, which will perhaps provide the guidance I sorely needed, and desired, when I was at the same crossroads in time.