No More Mr. Nice Guy

Q: Is it just me, or are all women just whacked in the head? It seems that everywhere I look, girls go after meatheads who treat them like dirt, while all the nice guys get kicked in the face. I used to be Mr Candy, flowers and poetry but after getting dumped more times than I can count, I have decided enough is enough! I am fed up! Just because I am a geek doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. Maybe I should turn into a jerk too?

A: Don’t hold back, tell us how your really feel.

Hun, I know that it may seem unfair that guys who don’t deserve it appear to get all the breaks, but when you venture into the adult world, you will see that dynamic change. All the popular kids end up with nothing to show for their high school hijinks, while industrious “nerdy ” types like yourself take over the world, and in turn, score all the babes.It isn’t entirely true that all girls want to date bad boys, it’s just that nice guys tend to look in the wrong places for love. Instead of chasing after that cheerleader, why not go for the quiet and lonely girl in the corner. She may not be Claudia Schiffer, but with the right person, she could blossom into the most thing girl on the planet.

Besides which, you, like so many others, are approaching dating the wrong way. Far too often, people expect things to turn out a certain way, then grow angry when it doesn’t occur.  If you are buying flowers and candy in an effort to buy affections, then whose fault is that? People aren’t obligated to like you just because you by them things. Either the chemistry is there or it isn’t, besides, there’ s no law that says every woman has to find you irresistible. They, like you, are looking for a particular type of person. That is your right, as well as theirs.

Try to cultivate a more healthy and open-minded response to dating and rejection and you may find something surprising happens. You become more relaxed and confident, which will, in turn, draw mature girls who appreciate a good guy.

Keep in mind, that dating is not marriage, nor is it a way to try to get sex or rack up on hotties. It is a getting to know one another process. If you look at it in this way, it won’t seem so do or die and you can actually enjoy yourself as opposed to putting pressure on both you and your date.

So, chin up-don’t change who you are! Anything worth having is challenging to obtain, and if you want something of depth, it may be harder to find. Sooner or later, the one who appreciates you for you will come along! Until then, let go of expectations, just date and have fun.

I’m Dating a Mama’s Boy!

Q: I am a nineteen year old woman who has begun dating a seventeen, soon to be eighteen, year old guy. He is very mature for his age, but still lives at home with his folks. He is also looking for work as a mechanic, something he is very good at, but is not considering college. All that aside, my biggest concern is that he is pressuring me to come over and have sex at his parents home. I am an old fashioned girl, and I don’t think it would be right to go to his folks house to have sex. I think it would be very disrespectful-besides, what would they think of me? I don’t want to get started on the wrong foot with his parents before they get to know me. I really like him-he is intelligent and fun to be with, so I don’t want him to think I don’t care about him by saying no.

A: Wait a minute. The guy is currently two years your Junior (I assume still in high school), doesn’t have a job, lives with his folks and your primary concern is whether or not to sleep over at his house?

First of all, I don’t care how mature he may seem, if homeboy is still in high school and living with his parents, he can’t be THAT mature. Life experience is garnered once one leaves the nest and has to struggle to make ends meet. Also, it should be something of a red flag that this kid has no plans to go to college. What does he plan to do with his life? You say he is a good auto mechanic, and while this is a great profession, are you assured that this is a path he will pursue, as he is still young and can go down a variety of paths.

What about your own goals and aspiration? Surely you have a bit more going on for you than to be trolling the high schools looking for dates with men who have barley started shaving?

My advice would be to date someone who is your own age or slightly older, whose goals and outlook match your own.

If you persist in continuing on with this young man, then I would tell you to stick to your guns about not sleeping over at his house. You are right, it would be inappropriate, and if he feels he can have adult relationships within the walls of his parent’s home, what is to motivate him to move out and move on?

Besides, why can’t he come over to your place if it is that urgent?

I don’t know what you are thinking, but I can’t tell you what to do. Just remember, simply because the guy is “legal” so to speak, doesn’t mean he is ready for a real, sexual relationship-be careful, not only for your sake, but for his as well.